Extraordinary, Admirable, Outstanding, Exceptional and Imperfect

In honor of Mothers' Day and of all the women who have influenced me, I decided to go through the scriptures and find some of my favorite stories to share. The versions told here are mine. They pull elements from the Old and New Testaments, the Quran and the Book of Mormon. You're welcome to take them because these stories are free and public domain. But they represent my ideas of what happened, not necessarily any denomination--Christian, Jewish or Muslim--and the morals I gained from them.

Choosing the women to feature here was hard. The women I did choose are not necessarily my favorite though I won't say they're not. In the interest of sanity--hey, it's almost finals week, give me a break--I had to limit the amount of women I discuss here. I was going to talk about a whole lot of them--Abigail, Rahab, Abish, Keturah, Esther--but then this post would be forever-and-a-day long. One thing in common with all of these women here is that they're not only defined in terms of their children as women in the scriptures are. They are defined in terms of themselves.

The Ammonites

No Mothers' Day talk in a Mormon sacrament meeting is complete without at least one mention of the mothers of the stripling warriors. They usually go something like this: "We focus a lot on the bravery of the Ammonite men, but we hardly ever discuss the women behind them." And I always chuckle a little, because someday someone's going to ask the question "I've heard a lot about the women. But what did the stripling warriors actually do?" because lately--especially around Mothers' Day--focusing on the "behind-the-scenes" character has taken precedence over the main character.

In the Book of Mormon there are two main groups of people. There are actually many, many more groups and subgroups, but for the sake of this story, there are two: the light-skinned Nephites and the dark-skinned Lamanites. Usually--but definitely not always--the Nephites are more righteous than the Lamanites. This story happens during an interesting twist to this, after mass amounts of Lamanites are converted and become Ammonites, named after Ammon, one of the main missionaries.

Despite wars raging around them, the Ammonites promised God and each other that they would never use violence again and buried their weapons. For the full details and gut-wrenching stories of massacre and attempted genocide, you'd have to read the full account. Even if you don't believe that it's scripture, it's a great story and worth the read.

So at the time that the story begins, the Ammonites were under protection of the Nephites who were fighting with combined armies of corrupt Nephites and Lamanites. Naturally, the Ammonites wanted to help to defend their lives, especially when it looked like the good guys were losing. But they had promised God that they wouldn't and even though going to war in this case would be allowed, they felt that betraying their promise would be worse than dying. However, their teenaged sons were too young when their parents had made the promise so they were under no oath.

Two thousand young men--later they add another sixty--marched off to defend their homes and lives. The scriptures don't ever tell us directly how old they were, but because of verbal clues and chronology and such, we know that there's no way that the oldest of them was much older than twenty. These were boys, many of them. These were my age and often parallels are drawn in talks about missionary work of the age of the "Stripling Warriors" as we call them and missionaries today.

This is what Alma 56:47-48 says:

Now they never had fought, yet they did not fear death; and they did think more upon the liberty of their fathers than they did upon their lives; yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them. And they rehearsed unto me the words of their mothers, saying: We do not doubt our mothers knew it.

The verses do not mention the influence of a father character, and some speculate that it's because--like now--statistically perhaps women were more religious than men or maybe that men were targeted in the massacres earlier. It's all speculation and it doesn't really matter. All that matters is that these wonderful women lived in a way that their children--sons and daughters--could see their strength and love and faith and be inspired enough to fight to protect that.

This story ends happily. When the battle ended and they counted up the bodies, not a single one of the Ammonite youth had escaped being bruised and bloodied, but not a single one of them had died. Just try and imagine the prayers of the mothers when their sons went to war and the faith they had to have to let them, not knowing for sure if they were going to return but hoping with all their might--and they must have had a lot of that--that they would one day see their sons coming back.

You could pull a lot out of this story. But the principle that I got most was Faith and Hope. I don't have children yet so I won't pretend to know what it would be like, but what would I be willing to have faith in and trust so much that I would send myself into a war and hope to be able to get out bloody but alive? I definitely don't trust chance that much.

Hagar

This is story is maybe the most heart-wrenching of all here. It's at least in the top five of all the scriptures I've read. I've always been enthralled with the story of Hagar, though I can't really explain why. Maybe because to me, it always seemed relatably human. Not that I can even begin to truly comprehend what she went through, but we can all understand--to some degree at least--loss and despair.

She was an Egyptian girl working--bought or hired, I don't know--for Sarah, Abram's wife. In those days, it was considered very shameful for a woman to be barren. Sarah--for all she knew--was barren and getting old, so in a moment of desperation gave Hagar to Abram to bear children so that at least he wouldn't be ashamed in public. Yes, the sexism is shameful. But that's how things worked back then.

Hagar got pregnant and Sarah became jealous, and "dealt with her harshly." Maybe beat her, maybe just slighted her. It was severe enough that Hagar ran away and would have stayed away if an angel hadn't come and instructed her to return to the abuse and bear her child there.

Hagar bore Ishmael which means "God has hearkened." He grew, and they lived happily. At least not in poverty, anyway. Sariah--her name had changed--eventually bore a son in her old age which is another great story, but we're focusing on Hagar here. Ishmael--being a snotty teenager by this point--made fun of the infant Isaac. Maybe he was being malicious, maybe he was just being dumb. Whatever happened, Sariah flew off the hand and ordered her husband--by this point "Abraham"--to send the boy and his mother away, declaring that Ishmael would not receive the birthright. This was wrong to Abraham--understandably--and he sought divine help and guidance. God said to do it, and that He would watch over Ishmael and his posterity, the Arabs.

Don't judge Abram too hard. This was not the only time God told him to sacrifice a son and--with faith, not knowing for sure if the child or his mother would be fine, actually quite sure that they wouldn't--and he followed through. But as the story unfolds, you can see how God's hand was involved, even through the suffering and hardship. We can't know how hard it was for him.

We don't know exactly where Abraham "dropped them off." Tradition in Islam holds that it was at Mecca, where the Kaaba stands now. As I imagine it, he took Hagar and her son out on the desert with only a pouch for water that they all knew would not last them even a day in the Arabian heat. What I can't imagine is the terror and confusion she was feeling and the guilt he must have had. At some point he stopped and said that he was sorry, handed her the water and turned to walk away. According to the Quran, she cried out at him, asking him twice something to the effect of "Why are you doing this?" But he ignored her cries until the third time she called out "Did God command you to do this?" to which he stopped. Maybe turning or maybe not wanting to have to face her, he said "Yes, He did." Then--maybe more out of convincing herself than anything--she said "Then God will not forget us."

Then she waited, but God didn't show up. It wasn't until the water ran out and she ran around in the hills around where Mecca is now searching for a spring, a well or even some mud with which to quench her son's thirst that an angel came to her and comforted her and provided some water. More often than not in the scriptures and in our own lives, God will wait until we are truly desperate and have nowhere or no one else to turn to that He'll send aid.

The story ends well. Hagar and Ishmael found a home in the desert and lived for many more years. Some kind of mending must have happened, because Ishmael and Isaac were both at Abraham's burial.

Jews see Hagar as kind of "the other woman" in this story and naming your daughter Hagar is a faux-pas for everyone except whacko liberals who want to see Israeli-Palestinian relations improve. Christians often see her as a wicked woman, an idea promoted by guys like St. Augustine, Aquinas and Wycliffe. Muslims see her as devout and nearing perfection, which is part of the reason why the pilgrimage is made to Mecca. I see her as a woman, a person whose story is real, whose pain was real. What we can all learn from her is to not despair, even when desperation seems to be the only option.

Eve

What we actually know of Eve is pretty limited. We don't know what she was like, what she looked like, if she had a belly button or if she was literally made from Adam's rib. And it doesn't really matter in that it's not necessary for us to know that. But it does matter in that she was a real person with real feelings and a real body. That much I believe.

A large portion of what I've written here is just what I would like to think but not necessarily believe. This is taken from a lot of sources--the scriptures, musicals, stories, other people--that I've come across over the years.

One unique thing about Mormons is we don't blame Eve for the Fall. We thank her. We believe that God gave Adam and Eve two opposing instructions, knowing that they could not keep both. The first was to not eat of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil--we believe that it was probably metaphorical--and the other was to have children ("multiply and replenish the earth").  There's a lot of different versions of why it was like this--and I'm not going to say mine on this--but we all agree that it wasn't because God was wishy-washy or set them up to fail.

Anyway, Eve and Adam were hanging out naked in the Garden of Eden--yes, we do believe it was in Missouri--just kind of twiddling their thumbs and living in a very simple, blissful state. We don't know how long they were there. We know they couldn't die--God "cursed" them with death after the Fall--and I imagine they probably didn't age a whole lot. Not developing, not progressing, not procreating though naked. Something had to happen.

In LDS culture it's generally understood that Eve understood some of this. I have a hard time imagining that because it wasn't until after she ate the fruit that "her eyes were opened" and she had the ability to understand what was going on. I imagine she and Adam were in a bit of a Plato's Cave state of mind and it would take something to force them out of that.

And of course Satan had a bit of a hand involved. Was he in the form of a snake? Maybe. I don't know. That doesn't matter. However he did it, he approached her and convinced her that it was not sin to eat the fruit--again, probably metaphorical. Here is where some other well-meaning people say that because it was inspired of the devil, what Eve did was sin and wrong and we therefore ought not to thank and praise her. But that's assuming that Evil is better at bringing about Evil than Good is good at bring about Good, that Satan--who was relatively new at this tempting humans thing--was better at tempting than God--in His omniscience--is good at planning ahead. God allows bad things to happen because He knows the good that can come out of any situation. God will make the best of circumstance, Satan will make the worst.

However, imagine if Eve had been a good-girl "Molly Mormon" who had said "Get the hence, Satan" as soon as he reared his ugly head? Well, maybe that did happen a few times. But what if she had stubbornly kept to the commandment to not do what he was tempting her to, forever? I believe very strongly that each of us was a personality--the scriptures use the word "intelligence"--with inherent traits and tendencies, that we are not solely the product of genetics though those do make a difference, I think. Eve was not an exception. I imagine she was born naturally curious and maybe with a bit of recklessness. Undoubtedly it had crossed her mind to try the fruit and she probably spent hours sitting in front of the tree, wondering about it and thinking and lacking the ability to understand.

You know the rest of this story. Or if you don't, look it up. Summarized, she eats the fruit, gets Adam to eat and they're both "cast out" from the Garden. Does this sound familiar? You're raised in a home close to parents until the point that you can "understand" the world and then you leave. Though the scriptures don't mention it, I imagine part of the "you're leaving now" speech that God gave them was a bit about growing their own garden, creating their own home.

It must have been hard. Raising kids with no one to help them and learning how to take care of themselves, to grow their own food. There wasn't any parenting classes back then, no parent support groups. And there wasn't an FFA chapter in the Garden of Eden either. But they must have done all right. I mean, we're all here, right? Well, Cain did kill his brother. But that's another story.

At some point Eve realized what her curiosity and recklessness brought about. Actually, I imagine that for a long time she lived with guilt, knowing that she at least had lost the Garden of Eden forever. But at some point she realized the good that she did. Moses 5:11:

And Eve, his wife, heard all these things and was glad, saying: Were it not for our transgression we never should have had seed, and never should have known good and evil, and the joy of our redemption, and the eternal life which God giveth unto all the obedient.

Moral of the story: sometimes to accomplish a greater good, you have to be willing to break a few rules. Now, before you burn me at the stake, think what other characters in the scriptures and history brought about great change by breaking rules. I hope Jesus made that list in your head.

Are Mormons blasphemers for not blaming and condemning Eve? Maybe. But it sure makes me feel a whole lot better about her and my own situation thinking that all of this happened on purpose. Am I a heretic for thinking that maybe not all of the creation story is literal? That's not for me to say. But it makes sense to me that God would allow a story full of metaphors--or "myth"--to represent and maybe even replace what actually happened for two reasons. First, because either way it doesn't change how we get to heaven and second, because a story about a man, a woman, a snake and a couple trees is a lot easier to explain--especially to certain ancient civilizations--than what I just did in this post.

So where is she now? Not rotting in hell, that much I believe for sure. D&C 138:38-39

Among the great and mighty ones who were assembled in this vast congregation of the righteous [in heaven] were Father Adam, the Ancient of Days and father of all, and our glorious Mother Eve, with many of her faithful daughters who had lived through the ages and worshiped the true and living God.

Mary

Mary is unquestioningly the most loved woman of all time. Most world religions revere her as a wonderful woman, if not also the mother of God. Jews for countless years before her birth were celebrating her and Christians and Muslims still are today.

In the Book--actually sura--of Maryam in the Quran is an account of Mary's birth that adds a lot to the Christian story. Actually, the Quran mentions her a lot more than the New Testament does. According to the Quran, her mother was barren and had a Hannah-like experience. (By the way, I wanted to include the story of Hannah in here and actually--ironically--her mother's name was Hannah.) She went to the temple and prayed that if the Lord would "open her womb" and bless her with a son, then she would devote that son's life to the service of the Lord. Yes, the culture blatantly favored males.

Mary--in that regard--was a bit of a disappointment at first. She was female and her mother had wanted a son. So--instead of rejecting the child--she promised the Lord that her child's child would be dedicated to the Lord. Imagine her distress when her teenaged daughter returns from a trip to see her cousins and she's pregnant and unwed.

There's a lot of discussion about this. Some say that she can't have been a virgin because God works in natural ways and a virgin impregnated is against natural laws. Others say the conception was miraculous. I say it doesn't matter. It happened. That's enough for me. If you believe that Jesus was the Messiah, then it doesn't really matter either way. It shouldn't affect your belief. If you don't believe that Jesus was the Messiah, then it doesn't matter either.

But the Jews at the time had a hard time getting past the fact that she was pregnant and unwed. She could have been stoned and there was talk about it. She was ostracized from everyone in the community. Imagine living in a small, rural, conservative, devout community and the good girl that everyone adores--because by all accounts, Mary was an outstandingly spiritual young woman--goes away to the big city leaving her soon-to-be husband behind for a few weeks and comes back "great with child." Add into that she's back and just as devout as ever, even claiming to still be a virgin. Joseph could have had her stoned if he had so wished and the men of the village would have backed him up, even furnished their own rocks. Of course, none of the women would ever speak to her again, though they would have plenty to say about her. The amazing thing to me is that Mary signed up for all of this.

The Annunciation seems to always be presented as a grand affair with lots of lights and flashing and Mary joyously and wondrously looking up at the angel above her in the sky. When Gabriel approached her, I imagine it was more quiet, more out of reverence for her than anything. There were probably tears shed on both sides out of shock and terror but also pure love and joy for what was to happen. Her prayers that night were probably full of thanks but also pleading for help. She knew that not only for the next nine months but for the rest of her life she would be labeled as a fornicator and an adulteress, a whore. It's not that she didn't know how others would see her. It's that she knew with absolute certainty. I know what it's like to be hated, even to volunteer for it. But I can not imagine what it would have been like for her.

If it were Fathers' Day, I'd talk about Joseph. But it's not, so it'll suffice to say he was an extraordinary guy.

Mary must have been quite the woman. These scriptures articulate a lot about her character, though not as much as not leaving anything for the imagination.

1 Nephi 11:13-15, 20

...I beheld the city of Nazareth; and in the city of Nazareth I beheld a virgin, and she was exceedingly fair and white. And it came to pass that I saw the heavens open; and an angel came down and stood before me; and he said unto me: Nephi, what beholdest thou? And I said unto him: A virgin, most beautiful and fair above all other virgins...And I looked and beheld the virgin again, bearing a child in her arms.

So she was pretty. By the way, I don't think Nephi meant "white" as in the color of her skin. The color of her skin would not have been noteworthy to him because they were the same color, both being Hebrew. Also, she would not have been "white" as what we call "white." She was probably pretty dark from working in the sun.

Alma 7:10

And behold, he shall be born of Mary, at Jerusalem which is the land of our forefathers, she being a virgin, a precious and chosen vessel, who shall be overshadowed and conceive by the power of the Holy Ghost, and bring forth a son, yea, even the Son of God.

Quran 3:42

And remember when the angels said: 'O Maryam! Verily, God has chosen you, purified you, and chosen you above the women of the world.' "

 "A precious and chosen vessel?" "Chosen above the women of the world?" To be chosen to bear the Son of God, God must have had absolute confidence in her ability to raise a child. There can have been no malice, no grudging, no ditzy-ness, no great amount of pride.

The moral from Mary: being "muslim." In other words, being totally submissive. Not to her husband, not to her parents, not to the ideals and prejudices of society although all of those she loved and respected. But she truly submitted to nobody but her God.

Fast forward thirty-ish years. Jesus is in the temple and the Pharisees drag an adulteress before him, asking him what should be done about her and telling him that Moses said that "such should be stoned." But he doesn't answer. He draws in the dirt. I believe he didn't answer right away because he was afraid of being overcome by emotion.

Jesus was quick-witted. Jesus was also very intelligent. He undoubtedly knew the situation of his birth and his mother's "shadowy" past. He must have been imagining his own mother, similarly presented before Joseph, called a whore to her face by men she respected and loved. I imagine that he couldn't condemn her not only because he had to set an example of forgiveness and love, but also for personal reasons. That's why--in my mind--Jesus drew in the dirt. It was to collect his thoughts, the one person in all history that had all the answers to all the problems presented him.

And when he forgave her, he really must have been thinking of his own mother who had no reason to be forgiven. Three more years and he told her once more that he loved her while dying in front of her eyes. And that must have been harder for her than anything she'd been through up to that point.

So Mary was not only submissive to God, but she also had guts. I guess those often go hand-in-hand though.